Koh Samui and Koh Phangan

Disclaimer: I don’t think I got the full island experience for Koh Samui and Koh Phangan and probably need to return for another two weeks to have a full report. Also, I missed Koh Tao, which everyone said is the place to go. 

From Chiang Mai I flew into Koh Samui. Based on the people on my flight I knew right away Koh Samui is the honeymoon island. Everyone looked very in love and ready to spend a week on the beach with their lovers. When I landed in Koh Samui I tried to order a Grab (Uber of Thailand), but the driver texted me that “I can’t pick you up because the airport entrance is the taxi mafia group. If I pick you up, they will attack me right away. P.S. Even if you walk outside the airport I can’t pick you up because the mafia will always follow you.” After this reassuring message, I went up to the taxi counter aka the mafia and got a taxi. What’s the saying - if you can’t beat them, join them? 

In Koh Samui my friends at the Marriott upgraded me to a dreamy private villa with a small pool looking over the ocean. It was truly a dream come true, but I did wish someone was there with me to experience the luxury.

I just had one night (less than 24 hours) in Koh Samui, thus only saw my hotel and laid on the beach there. Unfortunately, the water was only about 1 foot deep despite how far you went out and extremely hot this time of year (think bath water). From Koh Samui I took the ferry to Koh Phangan. I was nervous given the ferry situation in Bali, but it was a beautiful ride and no waves. 

In Koh Phangan I stayed at the Wonderland Wellness Center for 3 nights. I really only wanted 1 night but it was a 3 night minimum. The morning before leaving for Koh Phangan I made the mistake of looking up the island on TikTok and found out there are sex cults on Koh Phangan. Upon arriving at Wonderland I saw about 15 shirtless men eating lunch (why can’t they put shirts on for eating?) and got nervous I was accidentally joining a cult.  This was the only location I stayed which was a multi-person with 4 people total per room. It was an extra $90 per night to have a private room so dorm room it was! I was shocked that the first roommate a met was a male, but he was a nice irish man. We ended up having two other female roommates and it really wasn’t too bad staying in a shared dorm. Maybe I will try it again!

The first night I went to the evening sessions titled - Finding Wholeness Within. This was a rough start to the experience. To be honest I can’t even describe the things she talked about because it went so far over my head. I do know at one point she told us “we aren’t anything we are just essence” and also someone asked how to do all the wellness stuff with a 9-5 job and it seemed the answer was “it isn't possible”....so I guess just quit your jobs everyone? 

The next morning we had a waterfall hike, but the waterfall had dried out so it was just a hike, which was nice and we did find a little swimming area to take a quick dip to cool off. ​I decided to take a break from wellness/the cult and spend the afternoon at the beach and had some amazing Mexican food with a spicy marg (can you believe in Thailand?). I did try to see the sunset but for the 5+ time I struck out. ​

For my final full day at the cult I decided to embrace the wellness and attend all the classes. I enjoyed the morning yoga and aromatherapy class. After lunch the class was Wisdom of the Female Body, which I was excited about, but it ended up being all about tracking your cycle for natural birth control and felt more like a sales pitch to use the teachers services. For the rest of the afternoon I floated in the pool and finished my book. Then prior to dinner I scheduled a 1:1 session called “Creating the New Version of You”, which was a nice session with this guy who talked to me about creating the future version of me - unfortunately all I could think about was how hungry I was the entire session. I didn’t leave feeling like a new me, but it was helpful and he gave me some good tips. The evening activity was a sound bath, which was a nice relaxing way to end the day. 

My final review is I wish I got to see more of Koh Phangan and could have probably skipped the Wellness Center, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought when I first arrived.